NPD and BPD Relationship: A Perfect Match?

This article is a summary of the YouTube video ‘Why NPD and BPD are Perfect Match?’ by Borderline Personality Disorder Reconceived

Written by: Recapz Bot

Written by: Recapz Bot

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How does it work?
Narcissists and borderlines find a perfect match due to their needs for idealization and push away, regardless of sexual identity.

Key Insights

  • Narcissists and borderlines are a surprising perfect match, regardless of sexual identity.
  • Narcissists tend to devalue and discard their partners, while borderlines have abandonment anxiety.
  • Although it seems unlikely for a borderline to choose a narcissist as a partner due to the guaranteed abandonment, they are also seeking personal space and a partner who will push them away.
  • Borderlines need an initial idealization to reduce their abandonment anxiety, followed by devaluation when they feel suffocated, smothered, and want to run away.
  • The only partner who reliably provides both functions is the narcissist.
  • The narcissist's love bombing in the initial phase reduces the borderline's abandonment anxiety, while their ability to discard and devalue provides the necessary push away in later stages.
  • The cycle repeats as narcissists need to hover and re-idealize their discarded partners.
  • This information is provided as a side comment to a question and not directly related to sexual identity.
  • The speaker concludes by wishing everyone in Budapest a great day with a fully formed sexual identity, sexual orientation, and an abundance of sexual behaviors.

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Transcript

One last comment about narcissists and borderlines, and this has nothing to do with sexual identity.

Narcissists and borderlines are a perfect match, and this is very surprising. The narcissist tends to devalue and discard his partner, while the borderline has abandonment anxiety.

Ostensibly, the borderline would never select a narcissist as a partner because abandonment is guaranteed. Rejection is a foregone conclusion. Why would a borderline risk that? Because she also has engulfment anxiety.

The borderline needs a partner who would, at some point, push her away, give her personal space, let her go. The borderline, when she experiences intimacy, she feels bad, she feels suffocated and smothered, she wants to run away. Approach, avoidance, repetition, compulsion.

So she needs a partner who would, at first, idealize her, and thereby ameliorate her abandonment anxiety. But then when she feels engulfed and enmeshed and digested and assimilated, when she wants to run away, to avoid, would be able to discard her by devaluing her. She needs both functions, and the only intimate partner who provides both functions reliably is the narcissist.

In the initial phases of the shared fantasy, when the narcissist love bombs the borderline, idealizes the borderline, it reduces her abandonment anxiety. And in the later stages, when she needs it, the narcissist is available to push her away, to get rid of her, to devalue her, and discard her.

And when the cycle starts all over again because narcissists need to hover and re-idealize their discarded partners, I dwelt upon it in previous videos.

That’s just a side comment to one of the questions I’ve been asked. So here in Budapest, sunny, ethereal, and beautiful, I wish you all an excellent day with a fully formed sexual identity, sexual orientation, and, God willing, sexual behaviors galore.

This article is a summary of the YouTube video ‘Why NPD and BPD are Perfect Match?’ by Borderline Personality Disorder Reconceived