Signs an Avoidant Loves You

This article is a summary of the YouTube video ‘7 Clear Signs a Dismissive Avoidant Likes You | Relationship Insights’ by The Personal Development School

Written by: Recapz Bot

Written by: Recapz Bot

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Dismissive avoidants are responsive, communicative, and gradually show interest in relationships.

Key Insights

  • Dismissive avoidants can be consistent when they are interested in a relationship.
  • They are more responsive when needs are communicated clearly and directly.
  • They make an effort to meet needs when they are communicated in a positive way.
  • Dismissive avoidants usually text back within 24 hours, though not as quickly as other attachment styles.
  • They may open up in smaller ways, subtly expressing their interest.
  • They will communicate their need for space and want the other person to understand it.
  • If a dismissive avoidant is not interested, they will withdraw and not bother to communicate.

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Have you ever been dating a dismissive avoidant or even just been in close proximity to them where you may feel like there’s some sort of connection going on, but because they can be so hard to read, you are not sure if they’re actually interested in you?

Well, in this video, we are going to cover seven major signs that a dismissive avoidant is interested in you. And we’re going to focus specifically on this being some kind of dating or romantic relationship dynamics.

So first and foremost, dismissive avoidance when they are interested, believe it or not, are quite consistent. I think it’s sort of this myth that people have where they believe that if a dismissive avoidant is interested in you, they may never talk to you for days or weeks at a time. And that really couldn’t be further from the truth.

While dismissive avoidance may have this tendency to kind of fall off the face of the earth from time to time or to withdraw, you will see that they do show up consistently to put some sort of effort into a relationship dynamic.

And I want to really clarify that in this part specifically because when dating somebody, when getting to know a dismissive avoidant, what you’re going to see is that they’re kind of operating in this dynamic of their feelings minus their fears. So for example, you know, using this analogy, if a dismissive avoidant is interested in you, a seven out of ten when you’re first getting to know them and their fears when they are just starting to get to know you are very low, they don’t have all these attachment fears that are coming up for them because there isn’t this deep of a relationship yet, you know, that their fear is going into getting to know you may be like a one or a two. And so you’re sort of netting this five, right?

And if you look at it in another lens or sort of later on into this dating relationship experience, what you’ll see is dismissive avoidance. Um, they may be in a position where they are interested in you and eight or a nine out of ten, but then their fears are at a seven.

And the really pivotal part here to remember is that dismissive avoidance fears come online, not when they first start dating, but once they’ve started to really form an attachment because this is what reminds their subconscious mind of all the different fears they have about love and relationships. Our subconscious mind is like an association making machine. And so if you have all these different subconscious associations stored from childhood, that are these things about, okay, attachment means that I have to be vulnerable. And that scares me. I feel weak. I feel helpless. Attachment means that I’m going to be shamed for my emotions or my needs are going to get rejected. Then all these painful subconscious stored associations will be there.

But when a dismissive avoidance as an adult starts dating somebody, those things don’t immediately come online. Again, they come online when somebody’s really started to make that attachment and once they start to feel vulnerable accordingly. So in those early stages, you’ll actually see a DA be quite consistent. It’s usually in that later stage after the attachment is formed that you will actually see the avoidant behavior start to come online.

Number two, another really important thing is that dismissive avoidance will make an effort when needs are communicated clearly and directly. A big piece of where I think people go wrong in DA relationship dynamics is that they expect a dismissive avoidance to understand their needs. They think, okay, if somebody loves me, they should just know what I need. And again, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

It’s not people’s job really to understand what we need all the time and to mind read. It’s our job to articulate it. And once we’ve articulated it, then we want to see that person show up and do the work and put the effort in.

And I think that’s something that’s really important to remember is that dismissive avoidance, they were modeled their whole upbringing and childhood to see everybody be hyper-independent. Everybody takes care of their own needs, goes their own way. And so it’s a new way of being for a DA to start realizing that, okay, we’re supposed to exchange our needs. We’re supposed to communicate our needs to one another and meet and receive them accordingly.

And so what you have to remember is that because of this, when needs are not being communicated clearly and directly, more often than not, a dismissive avoidance won’t even realize that you have them. And so it’s really important that if you’re dating a DA, you practice communicating your needs clearly and directly.

Number three, you will see a lot of effort. Again, these pieces of effort come in almost like when the DA knows what to do. But when needs are communicated in the positive, there is a huge difference and this difference lands even more so with a DA than any other attachment style.

There’s a huge difference between saying something like you never do the dishes versus, Hey, could you use some support? Will you take a turn doing the dishes? When you communicate in real time, you communicate in the positive. So in terms of what you actually need rather than in the negative, you know, the reactive form like, Oh, here’s what you didn’t do. Here’s what you did wrong. This is where a DA is most likely to be most responsive.

And what you’ll see is if a DA is interested in you, they will actually show up and listen to your needs when they’re clear, specific, direct, and communicated in the positive.

Okay. So, so far we’ve got number one, consistent number two, you’ll see effort to meet your needs when they’re communicated clearly and directly. Number three, when they’re communicated in the positive number four, they will text you back.

They may text you back not as quickly. Okay. Then, then other attachments styles. But what I mean, not as quickly, I mean, like by the end of the day, um, is a good general rule. And I would say they’re going to text back 95% of the time.

I think another myth we have, and this is part of why I’m making this video is people think, Oh, they don’t text me for four days and they’re DA. So that must be why, but dismissive avoidant. If they’re interested, they’ll still text you back. You know, they may be longer to respond than other attachments styles as a general rule or on average.

And, but you’re usually going to see at worst, let’s say you send them an evening text. They text you back by the next morning. If they’re interested, they will text back these, these gaps in communication shouldn’t be, you know, four days at a time, five days at a time, they should be within this sort of short 24 hour period at most. And there should be this element again, of that, that communication that is there.

Our next one, they will open up, but it will be in smaller ways. So does this point also communicate their interest? Um, I think it’s this other kind of idea that we have thinking, no, they, they won’t communicate when they’re interested.

So number five point here is that they’ll say things like, I enjoy spending time with you, right? They

This article is a summary of the YouTube video ‘7 Clear Signs a Dismissive Avoidant Likes You | Relationship Insights’ by The Personal Development School