Understanding Relationship Anxiety vs. Gut Feeling

This article is a summary of the YouTube video ‘Relationship Anxiety or Gut Feeling?’ by Eva Thompson

Written by: Recapz Bot

Written by: Recapz Bot

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How does it work?
Relationship anxiety and intuition differ in physical symptoms, focus, and intensity while commitment is crucial for reducing suffering and trusting oneself in relationships.

Key Insights

  • The video discusses the difference between relationship anxiety and gut feeling/intuition.
  • There are three key points to differentiate between anxiety and intuition:
  • 1. Gut feeling is subtle and calm, while anxiety causes physical symptoms like sweaty palms and palpitations.
  • 2. Intuition is present-based and doesn't involve "what if" thoughts about the past or future.
  • 3. Anxiety narrows focus and makes concentration difficult, while intuition doesn't cause such intense effects.
  • Indecision and lack of commitment in a relationship cause pain and suffering.
  • Fear of making mistakes or getting hurt keeps one in pain, which is ironic.
  • Committing to a decision is crucial to reduce suffering.
  • Trusting oneself and understanding that there are no guarantees in relationships is important.
  • One should ask if the person they're with is worth the risk and commit to working on the relationship.
  • Healing relationship anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and fears is necessary before making a decision.
  • Engaging in compulsions or taking intrusive thoughts seriously prolongs suffering.
  • Commitment to not engage with intrusive thoughts for 21 days is recommended.
  • Anxiety is not intuition; intuition is subtle, based on the present, and doesn't cause intense physical reactions.
  • Indecision causes suffering, so making a decision and committing to it is crucial.
  • Taking therapy, addressing fears, and being honest are ways to work on the relationship if staying.
  • If leaving, it's important to make a list of reasons and truly commit to the decision.
  • Staying in a relationship means choosing to trust, be vulnerable, and take the risk for oneself.
  • The commitment is for oneself, not for anyone else, and it requires taking one's power back.
  • Half-hearted trust causes suffering; one must fully commit to the relationship.
  • The video concludes by inviting questions and expressing hope that it was helpful.

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Hey everyone, Eva Thompson here. Welcome to my channel today. In this video, I’m going to talk to you about relationship anxiety versus gut feeling. So basically versus your intuition. I’ve made a video on this topic, but it was more specific towards relationship OCD and ritualizing jealousy. Today I want to talk about relationship anxiety in general. So whether it’s trust issues you have or fears around cheating or thoughts about leaving them or fears regarding whether or not the relationship is going to work out. I want to help you be able to differentiate between what is my gut feeling and what is anxiety, insecurity, past trauma, fears, etc.

So getting straight to the point, there are three things that you can be aware of that can help you differentiate between your gut feeling and anxiety. The number one thing is that your gut feeling, your intuition is subtle. When you intuitively feel something, it’s not going to be, it’s not going to result in you having sweaty palms, palpitations, your stomach’s in a knot, your shoulders feel tight, your head is rushing. That’s not your gut. That is anxiety. Your intuition, your gut feeling is subtle. It is calm. It does not send you into this physical spiral. So that’s the first thing to be aware of.

Secondly, intuition is very much based in the present moment. Sentences and thoughts that are based on your intuition do not start with “what if.” They don’t have to do with the past and they don’t have to do with the future. They are very much present-based. Okay, so what if they do this or what if that happened in the past or what if this happened in the future? What if it doesn’t work out? Or what if… what if? It starts with “what if,” it’s anxiety. It is not intuition.

And the third thing to be aware of is that anxiety very much causes you to not be able to concentrate on anything else. So it can cause you to have a very narrow focus. There’s nothing else that you can think about. There’s nothing else that you are able to concentrate on. You get, like we said before, palpitations, sweaty palms, your body goes into fight-or-flight and you just can’t get out of that spiral. That’s how it feels. With your intuition, that’s not what happens. It’s calm. It’s subtle. It’s based on the present. It’s not based on the past or in the future. It doesn’t physically feel very intense. It’s not that you can’t focus on anything else. It doesn’t have the sense of urgency that anxiety has.

So those are the three things to be able to differentiate between anxiety and intuition. It’s very subtle. It doesn’t need practice to really train yourself to become aware of when is it my fears and when is it my insecurities and my anxiety coming up, versus when is it my actual gut feeling and my intuition.

Something I wanted to point out is that a lot of the time when you’re in a relationship or you’re thinking of getting into a relationship, or leaving a relationship, indecision and lack of commitment will cause pain. So if you’re not committing to making a decision such as leaving or staying or working on the relationship or working on yourself, and you’re just hovering between everything, asking yourself “what if this,” “what if that,” you will suffer.

The irony with relationship anxiety, a lot of the time, what I’ve seen is, and I’ve done it too in the past, you’re so afraid of getting hurt and you’re so afraid of making the mistake and making the wrong choice, that that fear keeps you in pain. So essentially, the fear of you not wanting to be in pain, not wanting to make a mistake, not wanting to get cheated on, not wanting to make the wrong decision, that fear of pain causes you pain on a daily basis. Okay, so just let that sink in. You are afraid of making a mistake. You are afraid of leaving. You’re afraid of them cheating. You’re afraid of the relationship not working out, them not being “the one,” whatever your fear is, you’re afraid of something happening, essentially because you don’t want to be in pain. The irony is that you are causing yourself pain on a daily basis, trying to avoid pain.

So you need to make a decision. Trust yourself, trust that you are going to be okay, no matter what. And understand that in order to reduce the suffering, committing to a decision is key. So do you want to leave and give up? Is this person worth your commitment? Understand there are no guarantees in the relationship. There’s no guarantees that my relationship is going to work out, that your relationship is going to work out, that it’s going to be forever. Things happen. We have no control over life and how it plays out, to an extent.

But a question you can ask yourself here, if you’re thinking, if you’re wondering whether or not you should leave or whether you should stay and you’re afraid it’s going to work out, if you’re going to cheat, if you can trust them, ask yourself, is this person worth the risk? Because I’m in this relationship and being in a relationship is worth the risk. If you’re in a relationship and you’ve got one foot in and one foot out, you want to be with them, but you don’t want to trust them, you want to trust them, but you’re afraid they’re going to cheat, it’s just confusing and it causes, like I said, pain, misunderstandings. It’s just not good. Is this person worth you taking the risk? Trusting, being vulnerable, letting your walls down.

It takes, I’m not saying that you’re going to make this decision and it’s all going to fall into place. It takes work. In order for you to start the work, you need to first make a decision and decide what you want to do. My advice would be first work on whatever’s coming up for you now, relationship anxiety, intrusive thoughts, fears. Because without that, what is left is your intuition. It’s your genuine self, a healed version of yourself, that will then be able to make the decision of whether or not they want to leave the relationship or stay in the relationship and how they want to navigate their life. So whatever’s coming up for you, know that it’s coming up for you because it needs to be healed. It needs to be looked at, it needs to be validated. It’s not coming up because you’re a bad person or there’s something terribly wrong with you or anything like that. Pain shows us what needs to be healed. It shows us what we need to give attention to. It shows us what we need to be aware of and understand in order for us to evolve and become better people and better versions of ourselves.

So like I said before, making a decision of whether or not you want to stay or whether or not you want to go, a question to ask yourself here is understanding that there’s no guarantees in your relationship or in your life. And you have to take a risk if you want to be in a relationship. Is the person that you’re with now worth you taking those risks? If the answer is yes and you want to stay, then commit to staying. This means not entertaining intrusive thoughts that come in that doubt the relationship. You can recognize them, you can see them, but don’t engage and take them seriously and be so afraid of them. Of course it takes practice. I would recommend, because one of the rules of the mind is that the mind likes what’s familiar and avoids what is unfamiliar. So if you make the commitment to stay in the relationship and you keep getting intrusive thoughts and doubts, you need to make the commitment to yourself and to your relationship to not take these thoughts seriously, to not engage in them, to not act out compulsions. For 21 days, I recommend having a calendar and each day you don’t act out a compulsion or you don’t take the thoughts seriously, or you are able to… I don’t want to say distract yourself because that doesn’t sound very healthy, but you’re able to move your attention to maybe a healthier habit or hobby, journal, meditate, whatever you need to do when you get triggered. Do that for 21 days and each day tick off the day that you haven’t done the compulsion or you haven’t acted out the compulsion, because it will give you a sense of accomplishment. If you get to 5 days and you have ticked 5 boxes and say day number 6 is very hard for you, it’s

This article is a summary of the YouTube video ‘Relationship Anxiety or Gut Feeling?’ by Eva Thompson